Pygmy

Title: Pygmy
Author: Chuck Palahniuk
Published: 2009 by Anchor Books
Genre: Palahniuk.
Pages: 241

For official record, begins here account of operative me reading the book of Pygmy.

First impression: "Hey, this reads like Dir en grey lyrics!" The main character of the book goes by Pygmy, and since the singer and lyricist of Dir en grey is kind of... short, I couldn't help but seeing the narrator look something like this:


Another book for trips to work, and since the narration is quite unique English, it took a few weeks to read. But damn it, I loved every minute. Funny, scary, disturbing, and did I mention really funny, Pygmy is the story of a member of young exchange students/terrorists. They are sent from their unnamed totalitarian state to the United States as a part of Operation Havoc. As they become acquainted with the American way of life, they stealthily work towards the conclusion of their operation: mass terrorism in the form of a science fair project.

Pygmy's Americans are stupid, shallow and xenophobic, complete opposites (at least for the first two parts) of the young terrorists. Their way of life, as seen from the point of view of the narrator, seems foolish and absurd with its complex mating rituals, brainless with useless classes, and confusing with religion. The exchange students are far superior in intelligence, if not in English skills, but the easy American way of life does become tempting...

Again, I'm half asleep while writing this (seems to be my default state these days) and despite the fact that I really, really, really liked this book, I'm finding it hard to come up with anything worthwhile to say. I still haven't decided whether I liked the ending or whether I was somewhat disappointed with it. Probably a bit of both. Lullaby still reigns supreme, but Pygmy made it to #2 favourite Palahniuk! Congrats, Pygmy. Go try and mate.


"Next then, this agent venture near Caucasoid female featured with dolichocephalic-shape skull, large brow ridge, and receded zygomas. Feet of operative me rooted stance, breathing distance away female face, this agent own hands akimbo, fist planted atop each own iliac crest, say, "Esteemed Madam Fun Bags..." Say, "Request demonstrate superior anatomy as condition to receive generous deposit of alive male seed."

"Next now, swipe-pow, Caucasoid female slap hand impact face cheek of operative me, sufficient violent so generate blood glow, swell outline of female digits on face skin of this agent."

The Fetch

Title: The Fetch
Author: Robert Holdstock
Published: 1991 by Warner Books
Genre: Urban fantasy
Pages: 376


Damn, with the difficulties I had typing just that in, it's probably not a good idea to try and write this thing as tired as I am. But hey, let's give it a go!

The Fetch was translated into Finnish (Muinaisuuden kosketus) some little time after coming out, and since I had read my way through Lord of the Rings, Narnia, Eddings' books, Pratchett, DragonLance and damn well everything fantasy the local library had by then, I picked it up after finishing Mythago Wood and its first sequel. I was much more into epic fantasy than this kind of a thing, magical stuff in our modern world, but I found I quite liked it. It's still one of my favourites. Maybe like, in top 10 or so.

This was the third or fourth time I read The Fetch, first time in English. It's about a young boy, Michael Whitlock, who is adopted by childless parents as an infant. Only a few days in his new home, strange things start to happen. The new parents blame Michael's birth mother, but eventually figure out that it is Michael himself who is causing these odd and frightening occurrences. When he starts bringing home expensive treasures with his talent, horror turns to something else. Hard to say much more without spoilers, read it yourself!

I can't remember whether I reacted as strongly the last few reads to some of the events in the book, but this time, the urge to slap some bitches was strong. Still, the book is as good as I remembered, maybe more so since I am older and somewhat wiser than the first time around. Started reading this about a month ago, and finished it during the last few bus trips to work. The long trips go by too fast with an exciting book like this one. At least I'm getting some serious reading done.


"He drew himself into the picture, a small, yellow-haired figure, and placed his shadow perfectly considering the position of the bright sun at the top corner of the drawing. He drew his mother, standing at the edge of the garden, just outside the zones of his castle. He drew Carol and gave her a big smile, because he always wanted Carol to smile when she felt sad. Then, after a moment's hesitation, he drew his father. He drew a huge open mouth with teeth around the figure of the man.

"After a while, after staring at the page for a few minutes, he found a darker crayon.

"And with a quick, angry smile, he closed the monster's mouth."

Katso ihmistä!

Nimi: Katso ihmistä!
Alkuperäinen nimi: Behold the man
Kirjoittaja: Michael Moorcock
Julkaistu: Alkup. 1969, Vaskikirjojen toimesta suomeksi 2009
Genre: Aikamatka-scifi
Sivuluku: 158 1/4


Tämän kirjan olen halunnut lukea jo kauan, ja nyt se hyppäsi yllättäen suomennettuna syliin kirjastossa. Työmatkat bussissa istuen sujuivat sutjakasti Moorcockin seurassa. Tai no, kaikki kolme matkaa jotka kuluivat lyhykäisen kirjan lukemisessa. Pitkä työmatka...

Mutta asiaan! Karl Glogauer on elämässään enemmän tai vähemmän epäonnistunut hemmo, jolle tarjotaan yllättäen mahdollisuutta kokeilla aikamatkustusta. Uskonnosta ja Jeesuksen elämästä kiinnostuneena hän päättää lähteä vuoden 29 jKr Palestiinaan nähdäkseen livenä Jeesuksen ihmetekoja, ristiinnaulitsemisen ja ylösnousemuksen. Miten kaikki oikeasti menikään?

No se on erittäin hyvä kysymys, ja tämä kirja on varsin jännä vastaus. Jännä as in mielenkiintoinen ja ajatuksia herättävä ja tragikoominen. Sanaa tragikoominen olen tainnut ennenkin täällä ihkuttaa. Katso ihmistä! on sekoitus raamatun lainauksia, teorioita, historiaa ja mitä historia olisi saattanut olla. Paljon puhetta uskonnosta ja sen roolista, ei niinkään aikamatkailusta ja sen ihmeellisyydestä.

Ei ehkä kuitenkaan paras lahjaidea uskovaiselle tädille, jos haluaa jatkossakin pysyä tädin testamentissa.


"Hullu, profeetta, Karl Glogauer, aikamatkustaja, maailman menettämä neuroottinen psykiatri, tarkoituksen etsijä, masokisti, mies, joka kaihosi kuolemaa ja kärsi messiaskompleksista, anakronismi, pinkoi halki markkinapaikan henkeään haukkoen.

"Hän oli tavannut etsimänsä miehen. Hän oli tavannut Jeesuksen, Marian ja Joosefin pojan."

The Historian

Title: The Historian
Author: Elizabeth Kostova
Published: 2005 by
Genre: Historical vampire thriller.
Pages: 704


Be vewy, vewy quiet; we're hunting Dracula!

It's been a while again since I got this caught up in a book. And this one's the size of a brick. Yay!

First of all, a confession: I've never read Stoker's Dracula. I've tried a couple of times, but not yet. All I know of the myth (most of it anyway) I've learned from movies, TV, and Kouta Hirano's Hellsing. I do like vampires, though. (I don't consider the sparklies of Twilight vampires, in case anyone's wondering.) Anyway, in this book, The Historian, the main characters are running after Dracula, who may not be as dead as people had thought.

It's told from first person point of view, no matter whether we're reading the words of the narrator herself, her father, or her father's mentor, whose sudden disappearance after the appearance of a strange book kickstarts the book that we're reading here. Set in the 70's, 50's and early 30's, The Historian not only takes us on a trip through Europe, but also through time. The amount of details and historical accuracy boggles the mind, and the places are described with such accuracy that it feels like you're there yourself. It also helps that these places are real: Google and its image search were my friends more than once here.

Umm, I shouldn't try to write when I'm this sleepy. I keep forgetting what I wanted to say. Oh yes. The book started a bit slowly (but that might just have been me since I could only manage ten pages per evening the first few days before falling asleep (the book wasn't boring, I was just very, very tired)), but after that it's quite a fast-paced journey, with a lot of talk as well. The ending was a bit... anti-climatic. "Wait. That was it?!" but other than that, yeah. Great book! I finished it two days ago, but it still haunts me.


"December 12, 1930
"Trinity College, Oxford

"My dear and unfortunate successor:

"It is with regret that I imagine you, whoever you are, reading the account I must put down here. The regret is partly for myself - because I will surely be at least in trouble, maybe dead, or perhaps worse, if this is in your hands. But my regret is also for you, my yet-unknown friend, because only by someone who needs such vile information will this letter someday be read. If you are not my successor in some other sense, you will soon be my heir - and I feel sorrow at bequeathing to another human being my own, perhaps unbelievable, experience of evil. Why I myself inherited it I don't know, but I hope to discover that fact, eventually - perhaps in the course of writing to you or perhaps in the course of further events."

Taru Sormusten Herrasta

Nimi: Taru Sormusten Herrasta
Alkuperäinen nimi: Lord of the Rings
Kirjoittaja: J.R.R. Tolkien
Lukija: Heikki Määttänen
Genre: Fantasia
Kesto: 60 CD-levyä... eli kesto ~60 tuntia


3-4 kuukauden 'urakka' valmis, ja Taru Sormusten Herrasta kuunneltu! Lukijana ihana Heikki Määttänen, jonka ääntä kuuntelin suuren osan lapsuuttani.

Taru Sormusten Herrasta ei taida paljon esittelyjä kaivata: se on ennemmin klassikko kuin fantasiaa, historiallinen maailmanajan kuvaus ja tarkka tarusto, ei niinkään perinteistä lohikäärmefantasiaa, vaikka se onkin vaikuttanut todennäköisesti kaikkeen nykyään kirjakauppojen ja kirjastojen hyllyiltä löytyvään fantasiakirjallisuuteen. Olipas pitkä virke. TSH on kertomus, eeppinen sellainen, suurista teoista ja pienistä käsistä jotka niitä tekevät. Hobitti Frodo Reppuli perii tavallisen näköisen kultasormuksen, joka paljastuu yhdeksi Keski-Maan voimallisimmista taikaesineistä, jota havittelevat kunnianhimoiset hyvikset yhtä paljon kuin häikäilemättömät pahiksetkin.

Heikki Määttänen luki liian lyhyen elämänsä aikana (näyttelytyönsä lisäksi) monen monta äänikirjaa, joita kasetilta kuuntelin kerta toisensa perään lapsena ja vähän vanhempanakin. Monotonisen lukemisen sijasta hän eläytyi tekstiin, ja kaikilla hahmoilla oli jollain tavalla oma äänensä: varsinkin tätä kuunnellessa, 60 tunnin aikana oppi pian tunnistamaan eri hahmot. Voivalvatti aiheutti pientä naurunkiherrystä, ja Klonkusta tuli lähinnä mieleen 50+ vuotias suomenruotsalainen täti-ihminen, muuten ei valituksen sanaa.

Yhdellä 'kirjalla' (20 CD:tä per kirja) on aikamoisesti hintaa, mutta kirjastosta onneksi löytyivät kaikki, kun jaksoi vähän odotella. Ja nyt on Sormusten Herra taas 'luettu' läpi: tunnun törmäävän siihen noin kerran vuosikymmenessä. Ensimmäinen kerta oli ala-asteen lopulla, toinen kerta Peter Jacksonin elokuvien alkaessa valmistua ja ilmestyä teattereihin, ja nyt taas vuonna 2010. Jospa sitä vihdoin lukisi Silmarillonin: sain sen lahjaksi ala-asteen päättyessä, ja silloin se oli vielä vähän liian vaikealukuinen.

Yllätti muuten miten paljon muutoksia, lisäyksiä ja poistoja elokuviin oli tehty: katsoin ne putkeen juuri ennen kuin aloin kuuntelu-urakan, ja muistelin vielä tuolloin että elokuvat olisivat olleet vielä uskollisempia kirjoille, mutta eihän tällaista teosta voi tietenkään ihan suoraan elokuvaksi kääntää. Valitettavasti. Enkä osannut hiljaa paikallani istua ja kuunnella: levyt kuluivat huomaamatta kävelylenkeillä, bussissa istuessa ja PhotoShopin parissa piirrellessä.

Ensimmäisen kerran kun Sormusten Herraa muuten luin, en löytänyt kirjastosta Sormuksen Ritarit -kirjaa, joten lainasin kasetteina ensimmäisen puoliskon kirjasta. Eli Heikki Määttänen minut silloin aikoinaan esitteli paremmin hobittien maailmaan, Ryhmäteatterin Hobitit-TV-sarjan jälkeen. Siitä sitten alkoikin vuosia kestänyt fantasia-innostus.


"Kolme sormusta haltiakuninkaille alla auringon,
Seitsemän kääpiöruhtinaille kivisaleissaan.
Yhdeksän ihmisille jotka vie tuoni armoton,
Yksi Mustalle Ruhtinaalle valtaistuimellaan,
Maassa Mordorin, joka varjojen saartama on.

"Yksi sormus löytää heidät, se yksi heitä hallitsee.
Se Yksi heidät yöhön syöksee, ja pimeyteen kahlitsee.
Maassa Mordorin, joka varjojen saartama on."


Ensi kerralla pitääkin lukea englanniksi...

Lux and Alby sign on and save the universe

Title: Lux and Alby sign on and save the universe
Writer: Martin Millar
Artist: Simon Fraser
Published: 1999 by Slab-o-Concrete Publications
Genre: Humour and adventure
Pages: 267


I got this one already in the beginning of January, and have read it twice, but never got around to writing about it. Now I'm trying to clean up, so let's give Alby, Lux and Ruby a look before on the shelf it goes!

Originally written around 1991 and 1992, the comic throws together three of Millar's main characters: Lux the Poet, Alby Starvation and Ruby. (Ruby's the only one I haven't read about yet, but since Ruby and the Stone Age Diet has apparently just been reprinted, maybe I'll get lucky and find it somewhere.) All three are residents of South London's Brixton, and it was probably only a question of time before they'd end up squatting under the same roof. Then the universe starts to collapse, and it's not just Alby's paranoia this time. It's really coming down.

Nirvana is in peril, and if it is lost, so is the happiness of the world. Trees, plants and animals are unhappy, not to mention people. Meanwhile, Alby is worried, as usual, Lux is trying to get people to listen to his poetry, and Ruby is trying to get back on her ex-boyfriend. Goddess Ishtar's useless handmaiden Menta is sent on a quest to become the best kisser in the universe.

...things do not look good for the universe.

Millar's books consist of short chapters or paragraphs, with what the attention jumps from one character to another. Sign on is written in the same way, but with the comic medium, the 'paragraphs' are sometimes only one picture long. Usually a bit longer, though. It's confusing in the beginning, but soon enough gets easy to follow. Fraser's art changes around quite a lot, but it's good, even if Alby doesn't look like I've imagined him for the past 15 years or so.


"Here stands Lux, a heroic if unappreciated artist, blessed with astonishing good looks and divine poetic powers, tragically reduced by an unappreciative public and an uncaring social security office to keeping a lookout for Maggie, the notorious paraplegic bicycle thief... how will he regain his self-respect? How will he claw his way back from the abyss of degradation?"

Invisible monsters

Title: Invisible monsters
Author: Chuck Palahniuk
Published: 1999 by Vintage
Genre: Palahniuk.
Pages: 297


She was beautiful, a model with her career before her, until someone goes and shoots her in the face. Without a lower jaw, all of it gone, her tongue hanging out from a hole in her throat, she looks like such a monster that people don't even dare to acknowledge her existence. Unable to even speak, she might as well be invisible. Then along comes Brandy Alexander, a beautiful transsexual waiting for that one big operation, who goes and invents her a new background, and more importantly, a new future.

Together with a man who loves them both, more or less, they head out to America, stealing drugs from the rich and selling them to the... no, not the poor. Less rich. Hey, it's a way to make money. Inventing themselves over and over again, they plot new lives and revenge on our 'heroine's' best friend Evie, who she blames for her disfiguration and for losing her old boyfriend.

Of course since this is Palahniuk, there's a lot more to it. The story unravels in short bits that jump from the past to the present and back again, building a picture of the whole, somewhat confusing, story of who's really who and why.

Great book, no doubt about it, but not one of my favourite Palahniuks. Lullaby still reigns supreme! But Invisible monsters is still a twisty tale full of surprises and the usual weird true facts Chuck's so fond of.


""You're a product of our language," Brandy says, "and how our laws are and how we believe our God wants us. Every bitty molecule about you has already been thought out by some million people before you," she says. "Anything you can do is boring and old and perfectly okay. You're safe because you're so trapped inside your culture. Anything you can conceive of is fine because you can conceive of it. You can't imagine any way to escape. There's no way you can get out," Brandy says.

""The world," Brandy says, "is your cradle and your trap.""


Cheery as always!