Kivi-paperi-sakset

Nimi: Kivi-paperi-sakset
Alkuperäinen nimi: Scissors cut paper wrap stone
Kirjoittaja: Ian McDonald
Julkaistu: 1997, Nemo, alunperin 1994
Genre: Science fiction
Sivuluku: 131, 140 sanastoineen


Toisenkin kirjan tässä suunnilleen kuukauden sisään jo lukaisin, on vaan tämä raportointitahti niin toivottoman hidas tätä nykyä.

Babylon 5 -sarjan lähes uskonnollista seuraamista lukuunottamatta en ole paljon scifiin tutustunut. No, paitsi Star Wars ja ne muut pakolliset, sekä Star Trekiä fanittava entinen kämppis, mutta you get the idea. Näin ollen olin pikkasen pihalla kirjan alkuosan kaikkien uusien termien ja ideoiden kanssa, varsinkin kun en aina ole se penaalin terävin kynä. Mutta asiaan!

Ethan Ring ja opiskelijakaverinsa kehittivät huvikseen fraktereita, "...fraktaaleja ja Mandelbrotin kuvioita muistuttavia visuaalisia hahmoja, jotka vetoavat suoraan tiedostamattomaan." Näitä vekkuleita vain vilauttamalla ihmisen voi tehdä iloiseksi, surulliseksi, parantaa, saada unohtamaan tai kertomaan kaiken, tai tappaa. Ja kun jollakin voi tappaa jälkiä jättämättä, juttuhan ei jää vain opiskelijoiden projektiksi, vaan Ethanille tehdään tarjous josta ei voi kieltäytyä.

Samaan aikaan seurataan myöhempää tarinaa, jossa Ethan on pyhiinvaellusmatkalla läpi japanilaisten temppelien ystävänsä Masin kanssa. Nämä kaksi kertomuksen haaraa vuorottelevat, kertoen miten kaikki alkoi ja miten kaikki päättyy yhdessä tiiviissä paketissa. McDonaldin teksti on nopeatempoista ja sujuvaa, tosin ne edellämainitut oudot sanat tuottivat muutenkin väsyneelle päälle vaivaa. Ei pitäisi ihmisen tehdä niin paljon töitä ettei enää lukea osaa.


"Meidän ei pitäis nähdä tämmöisiä asioita. Jumalalla on omat syynsä pitää kasvonsa salassa. Ihmiskunta ei kestä jumaluuden yliannosta."
"Liian kauheita salaisuuksia ihmiskunnalle?" Marcus sivalsi pilkallisesti. "Toi on vanhaa scifihuuhaata. Tämähän on vasta alkua. Jos toi on yks, niin niitä on pakko olla lisääkin. Ja mä aion löytää ne."
Luka pudisti päätään.
"Rajoita, Marcus. Pyyhi se pois, murskaa se, hankkiudu eroon siitä. Se polttaa sit poroksi. Se tuhoo sut, mä vannon."


...minkä takia ihmiset kirjoissa eivät ikinä kuuntele sitä järkevää tyyppiä? Vastaan omaan kysymykseeni samantien: koska sitten ei olisi näitä kirjoja.

Suuri lammasseikkailu

Nimi: Suuri lammasseikkailu
Alkuperäinen nimi: Hitsuri o meguru bouken
Kirjoittaja: Haruki Murakami
Julkaistu: 1993, Tammi, alunperin 1982
Genre: ...Murakamikin voisi olla oma genrensä.
Sivuluku: 350


Lukutahtini on hidastunut huomattavasti, johtuen siitä että 2-3 tunnin sijaan per päivä vietän bussissa vain alle tunnin työmatkoihin, ja joudun vaihtamaan bussia pariinkin kertaan. Joten lukeminen on jäänyt ruokataukoihin ja harvoihin iltalukuhetkiin.

Suuri lammasseikkailu! Kun vihdoin sain Hard-boiled Wonderland and the End of the World -kirjan luettua, teki mieli lukea lisää Murakamia. Sputnik Sweetheart on tullut luettua monesti, ja sitä harkitsin, mutta sitten tämä määkijä tippui halvalla syliin joten mikä ettei!

Nimettömäksi (taas) jäävä päähenkilö, joka pyrki elämään mahdollisimman yksitoikkoista elämää, kohtasi eräänä päivänä naisen, jolla oli korvat joilla voisi valloittaa maailman. Ja tämä nainen ennusti, että päähenkilömme tulisi pian törmäämään lampaisiin. Ei ehkä kuitenkaan ihan odotetulla tavalla: pienessä mainos-, käännös- ja painotalossa työskentelevä päähenkilömme saa yllättäen tehtäväkseen etsiä mystisen lampaan, jolla on tähti turkissaan.

Seikkailu johtaa läpi Japanin Hokkaidon vuoristoon kuivan huumorin saattelemana. Ehkä verkkaisin lukemani seikkailu, mutta Murakami rakentaa outoa tarinaansa niin taitavasti että ei vaan halua keskeyttää. Ja tämä kirja oli tosiaan lukemisen arvoinen. Useammankin kerran tuli melkein ääneen naurettua. Melkein, koska luin kyseistä kirjaa tosiaan ruokatauolla töissä, ja työkaverit muutenkin pitänevät jo outona...

Hieno mielikuvitus on miehellä joka tällaisia kirjoja kirjoittaa. Vielä olisi yksi lukematonkin kirjahyllyssä, hmm hmm.

”Se on harvinainen lammas. E-r-i-t-t-ä-i-n harvinainen lammas. Haluan löytää sen, ja siihen minä tarvitsen teidän apuanne.”

”Mitä te sitten aiotte sillä tehdä, jos te sen löydätte?”

”En yhtään mitään. En luultavasti voi tehdä mitään. Kaiken tämän mittakaava on niin suunnaton, etten minä pysty tekemään juuri mitään. Haluaisin vain katsoa vihdoin omin silmin, miten tämä juttu päättyy. Ja jos se lammas jotain haluaa, yritän parhaani mukaan tehdä sen tahdon mukaan. Pomon kuoltua minun elämälläni ei muutenkaan enää ole paljon merkitystä.”

On the Banks of Lethe

Title: On the Banks of Lethe
Author: James L. Grant
Published: 2006 by StoneGarden.net Publishing
Genre: Creepy horror.
Pages: 329


Ah! I finished this almost two weeks ago already! But then I packed it, and unpacked it straight into the bookshelf, and forgot that I hadn't written about it. Shame on me.

This was the second time I've read Lethe, and luckily I had forgotten many of the bigger plot points towards the end, and therefore I was adequately shocked and surprised. Which was nice, there aren't many books that have properly spooked me in ages. Not that I read many horror books, thanks to long, dark nights and an overactive imagination.

So. Lethe. Charles is a young, up-coming artist with a sweet deal on a series of book covers, but some uncomfortable worries as well. No wonder then that he's more than a little suspicious when he suddenly gets a phone call from a woman saying she loves him and she's flying to come and be with him. Charles, however, has no idea who she is. But she's coming. And she sure knows a lot about him.

Ooh, got distracted by the phone. Sorry.

Charles and the completely forgotten Becks do meet up, and what follows is one scary, twisted ride through years and *spoilers*. I don't want to say too much since I'd like to make people I know read this damn book. Or one of Mr. Grant's webcomics, like Manuel the Wonder Snail, or Two Lumps, which he draws and his wife writes. Or Flem. Maybe not Flem, it can will make you queasy. But Lethe is a nice, scary place to start.


"So, down to the real meat of the subject," she said after about a minute of silence. "You want to know the reason I hopped a flight out here on no notice, called up and probably terrified a famous painter, and have all this spooky knowledge of you."

"Hmm." I feigned nonchalant indecisiveness. "Yes, yes I think you put that very aptly, Miss McGraw."

The Crown of Valencia

Title: The Crown of Valencia
Author: Catherine Friend
Published: 2007 by Bold Strokes
Genre: Time traveling historical romance stuff
Pages: 283


Maybe I should finally write about this, considering that I've almost finished another book already after reading this one. Also, I'm in the middle of moving to another apartment right now, well, not this exact minute, or even day, but if I write about this now I won't forget about it in all the hassle. Blah blah blah!

Anyway! The Crown of Valencia! Sequel to Friend's The Spanish Pearl! I can't say much without a lot of spoilers, so... in the last book, Kate Vincent accidentally fell through a cave into 11th century Spain, leaving behind a life in our time. In the Crown, her history-loving ex Anna has discovered a way to follow her to the past, and is now ignoring the greatest rule of time travel: don't fuck with history, or shit will get serious. But she just can't resist meddling.

Shit then gets serious. With a lot of humour, though. But you know what I mean, right?

I thoroughly enjoyed this as much as the first part. Again, there was a nice enough amount of violence against nether regions. But there could always be so much more. Friend needs to write a lot more books. Now, please?


"Without turning her head, Anna flicked one finger toward me, and I was yanked off my feet, my head driven back by a thick arm. An ice cold dagger bit into my exposed throat. "Oh god," I muttered between clenched teeth, my feet dangling above the floor.

""Luis Navarro." Anna's voice dropped low. "Drop your pants before Rodrigo, or Kate Vincent is dead.""


Hee hee. That sounds... interesting out of context. Now I can pack this baby!

Hard-boiled Wonderland and the End of the World

Title: Hard-boiled Wonderland and the End of the World
Author: Haruki Murakami
Published: 2003 by Vintage, but the Japanese original came out in 1985.
Genre: "Science fiction, detective story and post-modern manifesto" says the back cover.
Pages: 400


I bought this puppy in 2004 from Berlin, while on interrail across Europe. I did start reading it then, and got all the way to chapter 23, but for some reason never finished. So I now took it to be read on work trips. The beginning seemed a little slow and I thought about reading something else, but a few chapters into it, I was hooked.

Soooo... there's this guy who's a Calcutec, so basically he can shuffle information with his mind. And he gets a job from this old genius/professor/scientist/inventor to work on some top-secret info, and to return with the shuffled stuff or it's the end of the world. And there's the old guy's young granddaughter, who dresses in all pink. And a voracious librarian. And a two-person destruction team. And unicorn skulls. And whiskey. So much whiskey.

And there's the other world, which we get to follow every second chapter. A world that's basically just a town, surrounded by a high wall which only birds can cross. And there's no shadows there. But there are unicorns, and more unicorn skulls. And another librarian.

And it gets real confusing here and there, but the more you read the more you figure it out. Except that I completely fell off the comprehension car at around page 260 for a good while. Got mostly back on top of things after I stopped being slightly drunk with Guinness. Darn you Guinness, you and your sweet, soft taste.

And there's a lot of humour, too, subtle and not so subtle. And I'm not really doing a very good job with this one, am I? Let's just say it's a very imaginative, very addictive book, and I'm gonna learn how to drink whiskey without making faces and hating the taste so I can sip whiskey next time I read this.


""Listen. I may not be much, but I'm all I've got. Maybe you need a magnifying glass to find my face in my high school graduation photo. Maybe I haven't got any family or friends. Yes, yes, I know all that. But, strange as it may seem, I'm not entirely dissatisfied with this life. It could be because this split personality of mine has made a stand-up comedy routine of it all. I wouldn't know, would I? But whatever the reason, I feel pretty much at home with what I am. I don't want to go anywhere. I don't want any unicorns behind fences.""

The Spanish Pearl

Title: The Spanish Pearl
Author: Catherine Friend
Published: 2007 by Bold Strokes
Genre: Time traveling historical romance stuff
Pages: 325


Wohoo, one more book for August! I've been a busy little beaver with my books. Yessir.

The Spanish Pearl is about Kate Vincent, an artist who, on a trip in Spain with her partner Anna, accidentally falls in a cave... to the year 1085. Oops. Spain in 1085 is not the best place for a woman wearing short shorts, Doc Martens and not much else. She gets captured by a group of mercenaries, and taken to a Moorish court, in the middle of an awkward alliance of Moors and Christians. She knows that there is another cave some two week's traveling away from where she could get back home, but first she'd need to get out of the damn harem!

As entertaining and adventurous as Friend's other book I read a while ago, Pirate's Heart, I liked this one too. I did, however, figure out the big OMG! plotpoint wahaaaay before Kate did. Not sure if I was meant to. Probably yes, all things considered. Unfortunately she didn't hear me tell her about it, since she was stuck in 1085. And not really real. But most of the big events and people in this book were real, battles and kings and Moor lords and El Cid and such.

There's also a sequel, The Crown of Valencia, but I think I'll save that one a little bit longer. I bought both used from Amazon, and the sequel of course arrived in four days from the UK while the first one (a discarded library copy, borrowed only four times! Unloved on the shelves! Do not fear, my pretty, I will take care of you now...) took almost a month to get here. Definitely worth the wait, though.


"You ruined Marisella. Now I will ruin this woman in return."
I pulled and clawed at Gudesto's arm, but he was too strong. Luis laughed. "To what end? She is nothing to me."
"She is, or she would not still be alive." This ridiculous discussion faded as I suddenly remembered my self-defense. Behind Gudesto, bent over his spread legs, I was powerless. I took two deep breaths, then swung my leg around in front of his, raised my arm, then slammed my elbow into the Gonzalez family jewels.
Without a sound, Gudesto doubled over. I stood slightly, then smashed an elbow into his face, sending him staggering back with both hands clutching his groin. Panting, I stepped out of sword reach, pleased that all those hours of watching Buffy and Sydney Bristol and Xena kick ass had finally paid off.
"Holy Bullocks," Fadri said. He, Enzo and four other men had appeared behind Luis and stood gaping at me and my white-faced victim.
Luis's blue eyes sparkled as he barely suppressed a smile. "Men, watch yourselves with this one."
"Damn right," I sputtered, then flushed as all five men stared at me."


Also, I wholeheartedly approve of the amount of violence against Gudesto's nether regions this book contains. But there could be so much more...

Ennen päivänlaskua ei voi

Nimi: Ennen päivänlaskua ei voi
Kirjoittaja: Johanna Sinisalo
Julkaistu: 2000, Tammi
Genre: Urbaani fantasia
Sivuluku: 268


Sarjassamme kirjoja jotka loppuvat ihan liian nopeasti. Tämä on tullut luettua niin monta kertaa että laskut menneet sekasin. Sen verran osaan kuitenkin sanoa että neljä kertaa meni vuoden sisällä ekasta lukukerrasta. Nopealukuinen, kiitos lyhyiden, millar-maisten lukujen ja vauhdilla liikkuvan juonen, jota tahdittavat monituiset lainaukset kirjoista, tietokirjoista ja lehtileikkeistä, netistäkin, jotka tekevät Enkelin ja Pessin maailmasta hyvin uskottavan ja koukuttavan.

(Ekaa kertaa tämän luettuani olin ihan tosissani ostamassa junalippua Tampereelle nähdäkseni (kirjan mukaan) kirjastossa olevan täytetyn peikon. Sitten tajusin että hei, se oli vaan kirja, fiktiota. Se oli surullinen päivä. Hyvin surullinen. Ja vähän nolo, olin sentään jo 20...)

Pessiä ja Illusiaa ja Päivänsädettä ja menninkäistä seuraava kirrrrrja kertoo valokuvaaja Mikaelista, jota myös Enkeliksi kutsuttaneen, joka kotinsa ulkopuolelta Tampereelta sattuu eräänä talvi-iltana löytämään pienen hylätyn peikonpoikasen. Omistamisenhimo, hellyys, humalaisen mielessä hyvä idea ja/tai kaikki iskevät, ja Mikael vie villieläimen kotiinsa hoivatakseen sen kuntoon.

Finlandia-kirjallisuuspalkinnon voittaja! Fantasiakirja jossa on peikkoja ja kovasti homostelua, ja voittaa arvostetun kirjallisuuspalkinnon. Repikää siitä! Käännetty monille kielille, ja elokuvaoikeudetkin myyty. Amerikkaan. Se ei kuulosta hyvältä ajatukselta, pitäydyn kirjassa, kiitos vain.

Yksi ehdottomista lemppareistani ikinä. Tuntuu että unohdin mainita jotain tärkeää, mutta lukekaa itse.


"Yöllä herään.
"Se istuu sohvan selkänojalla katsellen minua.
"Se siirtyy hieman vaaleampaa taustaa vasten yöntummana siluettina, ja ymmärrän tiiviin ja tuskallisen palavasti olevani täysin sen armoilla.
"Sen silmät. Yöeläimen silmät.
"Se näkee minut niillä pimeästä huolimatta tarkasti ja terävästi, se näkee jokaisen silmänräpäytyksen, jokaisen suupielen nytkähdyksen, kun minä en tajua siitä mitään muuta kuin sen mustat, mustat ääriviivat."

The Lovely Bones

Title: The Lovely Bones
Author: Alice Sebold
Published: This edition (with the movie cover) is from 2009
Genre: Murder ballad
Pages: 328


Soooo... I watched the movie since I like Peter Jackson's work, and wasn't going to read the book (at least yet) since I have a biiiiiig To Read -pile sitting here already, but then I happened to read how different the movie is from the book, and got intrigued. And, yeah. The movie is a bit like a children's version, all the more disturbing (or adult) bits left out, except for the murder, of course, since that's kind of the point, and although I love all the colour and the scenery and the lead actors, too, the book is so much better. And so much wetter. Man, I cried.

But yes. For those who don't know, The Lovely Bones is the story of Susie Salmon, who was murdered at the age of 14, in 1973. She goes to her heaven, but stays around, keeping an eye on her family and the man who killed her (the actor who played the murderer in the movie was so creepy). With no body, no proper suspects, her family has a hard time coping with her sudden disappearance and apparent murder.

Did I like it? Yes. So much that, when usually I only read in the buses, I couldn't always put this one down when I got home, either. Well written, touching, and easy to keep up with, even when the narration does skip from one place to another quite much.


"Mr. Harvey made me lie still underneath him and listen to the beating of his heart and the beating of mine. How mine skipped like a rabbit, and how his thudded, a hammer against cloth. We lay there with our bodies touching, and, as I shook, a powerful knowledge took hold. He had done this thing to me and I had lived. That was all. I was still breathing. I heard his heart. I smelled his breath. The dark earth surrounding us smelled like what it was, moist dirt where worms and animals lived their daily lives. I could have yelled for hours.
"I knew he was going to kill me. I did not realize then that I was an animal already dying."


Did I say well written? Let's make it beautifully written, actually.

Perfume

Title: Perfume
Author: Patrick Süskind
Published: In original German in 1985. This book claims to have been printed in 1987 by Penguin Books, but there's a web address on the back. So I don't know.
Genre: Murder ballad
Pages: 263


If you've seen the movie made of this book, and liked it, READ THIS BOOK. If you haven't, feel free to read it anyway. You'll like it, I'm sure.

What's it about? Or rather, who? Jean-Baptiste Grenouille was born in Paris on 17th July 1738, and orphaned almost immediately. No wet nurse, no kind monk wants to keep him as there is something inherently wrong with him. No one can quite say what, though. Grenouille himself knows that he has the keenest nose. In the world. He can smell anything, anyone, and save every smell into his own internal library of scents. It is no wonder that he makes his way to a perfumery.

If you're already familiar with the movie, this book is like the perfume Grenouille ends up making. The text pulls you in, seduces you with hardly any monologue, just beautiful narration, even when describing the horrible smell of, say, the fish market and cemeteries of Paris. Or, you know, senseless murder. My compliments to the translator. Beautiful work.

I love the movie, but the rule that the original book is always better than the movie applies here.


"Grenouille knew for certain that unless he possessed this scent, his life would have no meaning. He had to understand its smallest detail, to follow it to its last delicate tendril; the mere memory, however complex, was not enough. He wanted to press, to imprint his apotheosis of scent on his black, muddled soul, meticulously to explore it and from this point on, to think, to live, to smell only according to the innermost structures of its magic formula.

"He slowly approached the girl, closer and closer, stepped under the overhanging roof, and halted one step behind her. She did not hear him."

Ruby and the Stone Age Diet

Title: Ruby and the Stone Age Diet
Author: Martin Millar
Published: 2010 by Soft Skull Press (but that's just this printing)
Genre: Urban angsty myth
Pages: 152


Guess it was inevitable that there would be a book by an author I love that I don't like. This is it. It may be partly due to the fact that I've been increasingly pissed off at everything for a few weeks now, mostly so while I read this, but... I just couldn't get a hold of this book. It had good bits and funny bits and short bits and some of the angst and desperation of Alby Starvation and some of the energy of Lux the Poet but... but.

It was like a book where nothing really happens. Sure, there's squatting and evictions and learning to use the diaphragm (that was a ridiculously hard word to type!) and gods and goddesses for everything from electric guitars to lonely people and werewolf stories!

But.

And it's not actually an issue that nothing happens, I've wanted to write something like that myself, and that's just life, grand things don't always just happen. But... I don't know.

I still love you, Mr. Millar.


"Later on I go home and Ruby stays. Close to our flat I am so full of things to cheer me up that I find myself lying face down in a puddle with a vivid memory of someone telling me that you can drown in only two inches of water.

"I struggle to my knees. Only an inch and a half, I estimate. A lucky escape. Four young men pass by, singing and shouting and causing a disturbance. I hate them. They ask me if I am all right and they go to a lot of trouble to help me home. I still hate them.

"Next morning I wake up in bed with the Great Goddess Astarte."


Oh, nameless protagonist, I know that feeling. But where's my goddess?!

Kerubi

Nimi: Kerubi
Kirjoittaja: Tommy Tabermann
Julkaistu: 1987, Weilin+Göös
Genre: Hmm...
Sivuluku: 155


Tämänkin olen lukenut ennen, joskus kakarana. Pitkään ollut jo tarkoitus lukea uusiksi, ja nyt Tabermannin valitettavasti poistuttua keskuudestamme muistin sitten etsiä kyseisen eepoksen kirjastosta ja ottaa lukuun.

Kerubin maailma on hyvin runollinen, ja ainakaan minulle ei (tällä toisellakaan lukukerralla) heti aina auennut mistä tarkalleen ottaen on milloinkin kysymys. Tämä on niitä kirjoja jotka jäävät mieleen pyörimään ja valkenevat vasta päivän, parin päästä. Luin kyllä Kerubin tosi nopeaan tahtiin, paljon ajattelematta. Kaunista tekstiä osasi Tommy kirjoittaa, ja mietitystä herättäviä ajatuksia niin rakkaudesta kuin intohimosta ja mustasukkaisuudesta ja muista ihmisen perustunteista jotka ovat niin yksinkertaisia mutta silti niin monimutkaisia ja vaikeita.

Kirjan nimeä kantava päähenkilö saa eräänä päivänä tyhjän paketin, ja uskoo tietävänsä kuka sen on lähettänyt. Pakettia seuraa aikanaan toinen, kolmas ja niin edelleen, ja jokaisen paketin saapuessa ja Kerubin uskoessa tietävänsä lähettäjän, hän kertoo lukijalle suhteestaan lähettäjään, ja miksi paketin sisältö on mitä on. Samalla kuljetaan kohti vääjäämätöntä loppuratkaisua, joka oli sen verran yllättävä että on pyörinyt mielessä kaikki nämä vuodet.

Ja, niin, tämähän on Tabermannia.


"Minä, Kerubi, olen osannut lentää. Olen aina ollut sitä mieltä, että ihmisen täytyy tavoitella onnellisuuden ja tyydytyksen tilaa, salattuja, kuumia pisteitä. Enkä koskaan ole löytänyt parempaa tietä sitä kohti kuin se minkä kahden ihmisruumiin yhtyminen muodostaa. Yhdynnöistä minä olen rakentanut siipeni, hyväilyistä ja noista lyhyistä itsekkäistä liikkeistä kohti hetkellistä ykseyttä.
"Miao, Miao. Sinä tiedät että olen maannut satojen naisten kanssa.
"Minä olen Kerubi, enkeli, minun taivaani on ejakulaation rajattomuudessa."


Nuku hyvin, Tommy.

Bobby Blanchard, Lesbian Gym Teacher

Title: Bobby Blanchard, Lesbian Gym Teacher
Author: Monica Nolan
Published: 2010 by Kensington Fiction
Genre: Pulp fiction!
Pages: 290


Another one from the author of Lois Lenz, Lesbian Secretary! Yay! Was happy to find this in the bookshop. This one was just as much fun to read as the 'first' book.

Note: it's not necessary to read Lois Lenz to get this one; there are a few people from it guest starring this one, but nothing too essential. It is however recommended to read both these books, because they're so much fun.

It is the beginning of the 60's, and Bobby's professional field hockey career has ended too soon after an unfortunate accident. Her guidance councilor suggest she should take up teaching PE, and after some coaxing, well, a lot of it, she accepts a job at the Metamora Academy for girls. An all-girl school, in the middle of nowhere.

That... sounds a lot more racey than BB,LGT actually is. But it's not all chasing skirt! There's good fun, sexy girls, shit getting serious over field hockey, sexy fellow teachers, and of course the suspicious death of the previous Math Mistress.

...the teachers are called 'Mistress' in the school. Hee hee.

Jolly good fun in the spirit of pulp fiction! Not the movie, the genre.


"Bobby joined the growing throng of scarlet-trimmed gray uniforms streaming towards Dorset. A girl in front of her shifted her books, and a folded piece of paper fell to the ground. "Wait-you dropped something." Bobby stopped her. Out of habit she opened the note and read:

"I think you're divine. I watch you in Art
Class all the time. If I could paint anyone's
picture, it would be yours, but I could never
do you justice. Do you think you could
ever like me?"

"Here now, what's the matter with you?" Bobby scolded the blushing girl. "You forgot to sign it! How's your friend going to answer you if you don't sign it?"

Viimeinen haltia

Nimi: Viimeinen haltia
Alkuperäinen nimi: L'ultimo elfo
Kirjoittaja: Silvana De Mari
Kuvittaja: Gianni De Conno
Julkaistu: 2005, WSOY
Genre: Fantasia, lastenkirja
Sivuluku: 318


Päivitetäänpäs välillä tätä niin saan nuo kirjat hyllyyn jaloista kuleksimasta. Paljon tullut luettua taas, mutta ei ole saanut aikaseksi kirjottaa tänne mitään.

Viimeinen haltia. Ostin tämän kirja-alesta 2007 tosi halvalla ihan siksi, että kuvitus on nätti, kansi on nätti, ja päähenkilön nimi on Yorshkrunsquarkljolnerstrink. Ei voi olla huono kirja jos päähenkilön nimi on Yorshkrunsquarkljolnerstrink. Yritäpä sanoa se ääneen ilman että kieli menee solmuun. Yorshkruns... joo en minäkään. Muut kirjan henkilöt lyhentävät viisaasti nimen muotoon Yorsh.

Yorsh on pieni orpo haltiaparka maailmassa, jossa haltiat on suljettu pieniin, surkeisiin leireihin, eroon ihmisistä ja muusta maailmasta. Jäätyään yksin hän lähti maailmalle; 'kotiinkaan' ei voinut jäädä, se kun jäi jatkuvan sateen aiheuttamien tulvien alle.

Viimeinen haltia on melko perinteistä fantasiaa nuoremmille lukijoille, kaikkine kliseineen klassisine juonikeinoineen. Lajinsa viimeinen joku, ennustuksia, matkaamista maailman pelastamiseksi, orpoja, pahiksia ja lohikäärmeitä. Mutta Viimeinen haltia on myös hillittömän hauska, hyvin kirjoitettu ja aivan ihana. Luin sen nyt toista kertaa, ja nauroin taas itseni kipeäksi, varsinkin ensimmäisen osan kanssa.

Mainitsinko että kuvitus on tosi nättiä? Se on. En tiedä onko se alkuperäisessä italialaisessa painoksessa ollut väreissä, mutta toimii mustavalkoisenakin. Värit voi kuvitella itse.


"Onko sinulla nimeä?"
"On," vastasi pieni haltia varmaan sävyyn. Ihminen päästi taas hassun henkäisyn.
"Ja mikähän se sinun nimesi mahtaa olla?"
Isoäidin opit ihmisten kieliopista palasivat vähitellen hänen mieleensä.
"Ei 'mahtaa olla' kun se tarkoittaa epävarmoja asioita, mutta nimi ihan varma. Jokaikinen olento varma siitä, mikä nimi sillä ja siksi sinä ei kysyä mikä mahtaa olla ylhäisyys, vaan mikä on..."
"No mikä sinun nimesi on?" nainen parahti. "Hyvä on, minä lupaan etten enää huuda, minä lupaan. Älä ala itkeä. En huuda enkä syö sinua. Mikä sinun nimesi on?"
"Yorshkrunsquarkljolnerstrink."
"Voitko toistaa?"
"Kyllä toki, minä voin." Pieni haltia vastasi mielissään.
Ihminen henkäisi taas. Hänellä taisi tosiaan olla jokin sairaus.
"Toista," hän sanoi.
"Yorshkrunsquarkljolnerstrink."
"Onko sinulla lempinimeä?"
"On toki."
Tauko. Ihminen hengitti taas kummallisesti. Heidän keskustelunsa oli todella hankalaa, juuri niin kuin isoäiti oli sanonut.
"Yorshkrunsquarkherzljolnerstri."

Helvetistä

Nimi: Helvetistä - melodraama Viiltäjä-Jackin mysteeriosta
Alkuperäinen nimi: From Hell - being a melodrama in sixteen parts
Kirjoittaja: Alan Moore
Kuvittaja: Eddie Campbell
Julkaistu: 1994 - 1997, Like, viidessä osassa
Genre: Historiallinen rikosmysteeri
Sivuluku: 5 x 80-130 sivua


Jeij, Helvetistä taas kerran! Itse asiassa toinen kerta tänä vuonna, helmikuussa luin ennen työmatkaa Englantiin, mutta silloin englanniksi. Tällä kertaa suomeksi, koska viidessä osassa oleva suomennos mahtuu osa kerrallaan kassiin työmatkalukemiseksi. Ja... no. Englanninkielinen versio on hemmotellut miut pilalle. Nyt nimittäin huomasi pienet käännöskukkaset. Esimerkkinä sanonta tyyliin "Why Mr. Perkins!" ei käänny suomeksi "Miksi herra Perkins!" vaan pikemminkin "No mutta herra Perkins!" Onhan se kirjaimellinen käännös, mutta...

Mutta on se vaan paras sarjakuva ikinä.


"Hän esittää, että neljännen ulottuvuuden rakenteet ikuisuuden monoliitissa näyttäisivät kolmannen ulottuvuuden havainnoitsijoista vain sattumanvaraisilta tapahtumilta... tapahtumilta, jotka nousevat kohti väistämätöntä kohtauspistettä kuin holvien kaaret. Sanotaan että jotain erityistä tapahtuu vuonna 1788. Vuosisata myöhemmin tapahtuu jotain siihen liittyvää. Sitten taas 50 vuotta myöhemmin... sitten 25 vuoden jälkeen... sitten 12½... näkymätön kaari kohoaa läpi vuosisatojen."

"Voidaanko silloin sanoa, että historialla on oma arkkitehtuurinsa, Hinton? Ajatus on mitä loistavin ja kauhistuttavin."

Bunny Munron kuolema

Nimi: Bunny Munron kuolema
Alkuperäinen nimi: The death of Bunny Munro
Kirjoittaja: Nick Cave
Julkaistu: 2009, Like, alunperin myös 2009.
Genre: Satiiri lienee osuva. Ainakin takakannen mukaan
Sivuluku: 238


Viime vuoden joulu/synttärilahja, oli jo aikakin lukea! Suomennettu versio, Herra Caven tekstiä olisi ollut mielenkiintoista lukea alkuperäisellä kielellä, mutta ei ole lahjahevosen suuhun katsomista tai jotain. Ja teksti on melko sujuvaa suomeksikin.

Nimestä on melko helppo arvata, miten Bunny Munron kuolema tulee loppumaan, ja kiitos Nick-sedän kirjoituslahjojen, matka vääjäämättömään lopputulokseen on mutkikas ja ...vallan kiusallinen. Hauska. Iuuh.

No, siis. Bunny Munro on kiertelevä myyntitykki, myyjien myyjä, jumalan lahja kaikille naisille ja muutenkin aikamoinen pukki. Ainakin omasta mielestään. Elämä on leppoisaa, vaimo odottaa kotona lapsen kanssa kun Bunny ajelee ympäriinsä, myyden kauneustuotteita ovelta ovelle innokkaille kotirouville. Ja tulee siinä sivussa muutamaa sutaistuakin. Tai raiskattua. Mutta eräänä kauniina päivänä vaimokulta tekee itsemurhan, ja asiat eivät olekaan enää niin helppoja. Ensinnäkin, mitä ihmettä tehdä Bunny Juniorin kanssa? Libby-vaimon haamu tuntuu piilottelevan joka kulman takana, joten Bunny ottaa 9-vuotiaan pojan mukaansa ja lähtee elämänsä myyntikierrokselle.

Bunny on aikamoinen nilkki. Takakannen mukaan hän on antisankarien antisankari, monumentaalinen moukka. Olen samaa mieltä. Mutta hetki hetkeltä aina enemmän perseelleen menevä elämä herättää lukijassa pienen pienen säälin tunteen. Ainakin seuraavaan nilkkikohtaukseen asti. Nick-sedän teksti on aina nautinnollista. Vaikka tämän kirjan kanssa tuli myös se ...vallan kiusallinen niljakkuus selkärankaan.


"Bunny Junior toivoo, ettei hänen isälleen tapahdu mitään tosi pahaa, sillä vaikka äiti sanoi, että isä on eksyksissä, ja vaikka tämä ei luultavasti ole kovin hyvä isä siinä mielessä kuin Bunny Junior on nähnyt isien olevan tv:ssä ja lehdissä ja puistoissa ja sen sellaisissa, esimerkiksi silloin kun he ostavat silmätippoja estääkseen lastaan sokeutumasta tai heittelevät frisbeetä puistossa tai jotain, niin siitä huolimatta hän rakastaa isäänsä koko sydämestään eikä miljoonassakaan vuodessa vaihtaisi häntä toiseen. Kukapa vaihtaisi? Kun isä hassuttelee, hän on ehdottomasti repäisevän hauska - katsokaa vaikka nyt, kuinka hän loikkii housut nilkoissa alas tuon ränsistyneen talon portaita keskelle pihaa, joka on täynnä hajonneita jääkaappeja ja kylpyammeita ja rojua. Kenen muun isä pystyy tuollaiseen!"

A Pirate's Heart

Title: A Pirate's Heart
Author: Catherine Friend
Published: 2008 by Bold Strokes Books
Genre: Adventure and lesbian pirates
Pages: 316


Picked this one up for light summer reading, and the pirates went and stole my heart. Treasure hunts all around, yay! And pirates! And ale! And wenches! Yayness! Or, rather, Yarrrrrness!

Okay, more seriously. Pirate captain Thomasina Farris disappeared in 1715 with a huge treasure stolen from a Spanish galleon. Some say she drowned, some say she hanged. She left a map, though. And today, a thief is going through libraries, stealing old maps, looking for Captain Tommy's map. Emma, a librarian, helped by a PI called Randi-with-an-i, goes on a roadtrip to try and find the map, stop the thief, and save other books from being mauled so.

The book is split into two stories, 1715 with Captain Tommy, her crew, and the lovely Rebekah they save from certain death, and modern times with Emma and Randi and the elusive map thief. And since this is romantic adventure, our heroines of course find that, in the words of the one and only Captain Jack Sparrow, "Not all treasure is silver and gold, mate."

This book sucked me in so well with its writing and pacing that one time, riding home in the bus, I didn't even notice a friend was trying to get my attention from across the aisle of the full bus. *cough* So I went and got Friend's other books from Amazon as well, for a couple of bucks.

I do have one complaint, though. Something that always annoys me. Women with men's names. TWO of them in this book. Yarrr. It's everywhere, though, no escaping from it in any medium. Hell, some of my favourite literary characters are females with male names. But it still ticks me off. But I'll forgive Ms Friend, because this was such a thrilling ride on the storming sea.


"I pulled out the research I'd gathered on Tommy Farris for my article and stared at the thin stack. The woman had commanded her own fleet of ships, sailed the open seas, answered to no one bu her men, and lived a life of terrible adventure.

"Why was I so obsessed with Tommy Farris?

"Easy. She was a pirate."

I am what I am

Title: I am what I am
Author: John Barrowman with Carole E. Barrowman
Published: 2009 by Michael O'Mara Books Limited
Genre: Memoir (said in John Malkovich in Burn after reading -way) with lots of humour.
Pages: 248 + index


Got this one back in January (signed, too! Even if the signature looks more like @ than anything else...), but only finished a week or so ago over trips from work.

I've said it before (in another place, though), but every time I think John Barrowman cannot get any more awesome, he goes and becomes more awesome. Now he's writing comics! *le sigh*

Who's John Barrowman, you may ask? He's a Scottish born, American raised, Wales living actor, singer, producer, writer, TV-host and all around funny and awesome man. Best known around the place as Captain Jack Harkness from Doctor Who, and its spin-off Torchwood, he's also been seen and heard in many movies, like The Producers (the 2005 version; he's the one singing that infamous song!) and De-lovely, where he's singing Cole Porter's Night and day, and also smooching the man (offscreen. Damn it.). Umm, what else. This is his second memoir (again with the Malkovich), first one being called Anything goes (I have that as an audio book, read by the man himself, but I've yet to get to that).

I am what I am is named after a song in the musical version of The Birdcage, and it's full of funny stories about John and his family, friends and TV-shows/movies/musicals he's worked in. So a lot of famous people, and a lot with the funniness. I've been watching Buffy again, please forgive the talk. My favourite bits were of course the bits about Doctor Who and Torchwood, as I'm a fan of both. But the rest was all good, and I got really distracted now looking for a nice YouTube vid to add here. So John's in Desperate Housewives as well! Nice! Killing old ladies... uh.


"Oh yes, I did see my life flash before me during an evening performance of Robin Hood at the Birmingham Hippodrome in 2008, and all I kept repeating to myself was, 'Please don't let me die in tights.'"

Pygmy

Title: Pygmy
Author: Chuck Palahniuk
Published: 2009 by Anchor Books
Genre: Palahniuk.
Pages: 241

For official record, begins here account of operative me reading the book of Pygmy.

First impression: "Hey, this reads like Dir en grey lyrics!" The main character of the book goes by Pygmy, and since the singer and lyricist of Dir en grey is kind of... short, I couldn't help but seeing the narrator look something like this:


Another book for trips to work, and since the narration is quite unique English, it took a few weeks to read. But damn it, I loved every minute. Funny, scary, disturbing, and did I mention really funny, Pygmy is the story of a member of young exchange students/terrorists. They are sent from their unnamed totalitarian state to the United States as a part of Operation Havoc. As they become acquainted with the American way of life, they stealthily work towards the conclusion of their operation: mass terrorism in the form of a science fair project.

Pygmy's Americans are stupid, shallow and xenophobic, complete opposites (at least for the first two parts) of the young terrorists. Their way of life, as seen from the point of view of the narrator, seems foolish and absurd with its complex mating rituals, brainless with useless classes, and confusing with religion. The exchange students are far superior in intelligence, if not in English skills, but the easy American way of life does become tempting...

Again, I'm half asleep while writing this (seems to be my default state these days) and despite the fact that I really, really, really liked this book, I'm finding it hard to come up with anything worthwhile to say. I still haven't decided whether I liked the ending or whether I was somewhat disappointed with it. Probably a bit of both. Lullaby still reigns supreme, but Pygmy made it to #2 favourite Palahniuk! Congrats, Pygmy. Go try and mate.


"Next then, this agent venture near Caucasoid female featured with dolichocephalic-shape skull, large brow ridge, and receded zygomas. Feet of operative me rooted stance, breathing distance away female face, this agent own hands akimbo, fist planted atop each own iliac crest, say, "Esteemed Madam Fun Bags..." Say, "Request demonstrate superior anatomy as condition to receive generous deposit of alive male seed."

"Next now, swipe-pow, Caucasoid female slap hand impact face cheek of operative me, sufficient violent so generate blood glow, swell outline of female digits on face skin of this agent."

The Fetch

Title: The Fetch
Author: Robert Holdstock
Published: 1991 by Warner Books
Genre: Urban fantasy
Pages: 376


Damn, with the difficulties I had typing just that in, it's probably not a good idea to try and write this thing as tired as I am. But hey, let's give it a go!

The Fetch was translated into Finnish (Muinaisuuden kosketus) some little time after coming out, and since I had read my way through Lord of the Rings, Narnia, Eddings' books, Pratchett, DragonLance and damn well everything fantasy the local library had by then, I picked it up after finishing Mythago Wood and its first sequel. I was much more into epic fantasy than this kind of a thing, magical stuff in our modern world, but I found I quite liked it. It's still one of my favourites. Maybe like, in top 10 or so.

This was the third or fourth time I read The Fetch, first time in English. It's about a young boy, Michael Whitlock, who is adopted by childless parents as an infant. Only a few days in his new home, strange things start to happen. The new parents blame Michael's birth mother, but eventually figure out that it is Michael himself who is causing these odd and frightening occurrences. When he starts bringing home expensive treasures with his talent, horror turns to something else. Hard to say much more without spoilers, read it yourself!

I can't remember whether I reacted as strongly the last few reads to some of the events in the book, but this time, the urge to slap some bitches was strong. Still, the book is as good as I remembered, maybe more so since I am older and somewhat wiser than the first time around. Started reading this about a month ago, and finished it during the last few bus trips to work. The long trips go by too fast with an exciting book like this one. At least I'm getting some serious reading done.


"He drew himself into the picture, a small, yellow-haired figure, and placed his shadow perfectly considering the position of the bright sun at the top corner of the drawing. He drew his mother, standing at the edge of the garden, just outside the zones of his castle. He drew Carol and gave her a big smile, because he always wanted Carol to smile when she felt sad. Then, after a moment's hesitation, he drew his father. He drew a huge open mouth with teeth around the figure of the man.

"After a while, after staring at the page for a few minutes, he found a darker crayon.

"And with a quick, angry smile, he closed the monster's mouth."

Katso ihmistä!

Nimi: Katso ihmistä!
Alkuperäinen nimi: Behold the man
Kirjoittaja: Michael Moorcock
Julkaistu: Alkup. 1969, Vaskikirjojen toimesta suomeksi 2009
Genre: Aikamatka-scifi
Sivuluku: 158 1/4


Tämän kirjan olen halunnut lukea jo kauan, ja nyt se hyppäsi yllättäen suomennettuna syliin kirjastossa. Työmatkat bussissa istuen sujuivat sutjakasti Moorcockin seurassa. Tai no, kaikki kolme matkaa jotka kuluivat lyhykäisen kirjan lukemisessa. Pitkä työmatka...

Mutta asiaan! Karl Glogauer on elämässään enemmän tai vähemmän epäonnistunut hemmo, jolle tarjotaan yllättäen mahdollisuutta kokeilla aikamatkustusta. Uskonnosta ja Jeesuksen elämästä kiinnostuneena hän päättää lähteä vuoden 29 jKr Palestiinaan nähdäkseen livenä Jeesuksen ihmetekoja, ristiinnaulitsemisen ja ylösnousemuksen. Miten kaikki oikeasti menikään?

No se on erittäin hyvä kysymys, ja tämä kirja on varsin jännä vastaus. Jännä as in mielenkiintoinen ja ajatuksia herättävä ja tragikoominen. Sanaa tragikoominen olen tainnut ennenkin täällä ihkuttaa. Katso ihmistä! on sekoitus raamatun lainauksia, teorioita, historiaa ja mitä historia olisi saattanut olla. Paljon puhetta uskonnosta ja sen roolista, ei niinkään aikamatkailusta ja sen ihmeellisyydestä.

Ei ehkä kuitenkaan paras lahjaidea uskovaiselle tädille, jos haluaa jatkossakin pysyä tädin testamentissa.


"Hullu, profeetta, Karl Glogauer, aikamatkustaja, maailman menettämä neuroottinen psykiatri, tarkoituksen etsijä, masokisti, mies, joka kaihosi kuolemaa ja kärsi messiaskompleksista, anakronismi, pinkoi halki markkinapaikan henkeään haukkoen.

"Hän oli tavannut etsimänsä miehen. Hän oli tavannut Jeesuksen, Marian ja Joosefin pojan."

The Historian

Title: The Historian
Author: Elizabeth Kostova
Published: 2005 by
Genre: Historical vampire thriller.
Pages: 704


Be vewy, vewy quiet; we're hunting Dracula!

It's been a while again since I got this caught up in a book. And this one's the size of a brick. Yay!

First of all, a confession: I've never read Stoker's Dracula. I've tried a couple of times, but not yet. All I know of the myth (most of it anyway) I've learned from movies, TV, and Kouta Hirano's Hellsing. I do like vampires, though. (I don't consider the sparklies of Twilight vampires, in case anyone's wondering.) Anyway, in this book, The Historian, the main characters are running after Dracula, who may not be as dead as people had thought.

It's told from first person point of view, no matter whether we're reading the words of the narrator herself, her father, or her father's mentor, whose sudden disappearance after the appearance of a strange book kickstarts the book that we're reading here. Set in the 70's, 50's and early 30's, The Historian not only takes us on a trip through Europe, but also through time. The amount of details and historical accuracy boggles the mind, and the places are described with such accuracy that it feels like you're there yourself. It also helps that these places are real: Google and its image search were my friends more than once here.

Umm, I shouldn't try to write when I'm this sleepy. I keep forgetting what I wanted to say. Oh yes. The book started a bit slowly (but that might just have been me since I could only manage ten pages per evening the first few days before falling asleep (the book wasn't boring, I was just very, very tired)), but after that it's quite a fast-paced journey, with a lot of talk as well. The ending was a bit... anti-climatic. "Wait. That was it?!" but other than that, yeah. Great book! I finished it two days ago, but it still haunts me.


"December 12, 1930
"Trinity College, Oxford

"My dear and unfortunate successor:

"It is with regret that I imagine you, whoever you are, reading the account I must put down here. The regret is partly for myself - because I will surely be at least in trouble, maybe dead, or perhaps worse, if this is in your hands. But my regret is also for you, my yet-unknown friend, because only by someone who needs such vile information will this letter someday be read. If you are not my successor in some other sense, you will soon be my heir - and I feel sorrow at bequeathing to another human being my own, perhaps unbelievable, experience of evil. Why I myself inherited it I don't know, but I hope to discover that fact, eventually - perhaps in the course of writing to you or perhaps in the course of further events."

Taru Sormusten Herrasta

Nimi: Taru Sormusten Herrasta
Alkuperäinen nimi: Lord of the Rings
Kirjoittaja: J.R.R. Tolkien
Lukija: Heikki Määttänen
Genre: Fantasia
Kesto: 60 CD-levyä... eli kesto ~60 tuntia


3-4 kuukauden 'urakka' valmis, ja Taru Sormusten Herrasta kuunneltu! Lukijana ihana Heikki Määttänen, jonka ääntä kuuntelin suuren osan lapsuuttani.

Taru Sormusten Herrasta ei taida paljon esittelyjä kaivata: se on ennemmin klassikko kuin fantasiaa, historiallinen maailmanajan kuvaus ja tarkka tarusto, ei niinkään perinteistä lohikäärmefantasiaa, vaikka se onkin vaikuttanut todennäköisesti kaikkeen nykyään kirjakauppojen ja kirjastojen hyllyiltä löytyvään fantasiakirjallisuuteen. Olipas pitkä virke. TSH on kertomus, eeppinen sellainen, suurista teoista ja pienistä käsistä jotka niitä tekevät. Hobitti Frodo Reppuli perii tavallisen näköisen kultasormuksen, joka paljastuu yhdeksi Keski-Maan voimallisimmista taikaesineistä, jota havittelevat kunnianhimoiset hyvikset yhtä paljon kuin häikäilemättömät pahiksetkin.

Heikki Määttänen luki liian lyhyen elämänsä aikana (näyttelytyönsä lisäksi) monen monta äänikirjaa, joita kasetilta kuuntelin kerta toisensa perään lapsena ja vähän vanhempanakin. Monotonisen lukemisen sijasta hän eläytyi tekstiin, ja kaikilla hahmoilla oli jollain tavalla oma äänensä: varsinkin tätä kuunnellessa, 60 tunnin aikana oppi pian tunnistamaan eri hahmot. Voivalvatti aiheutti pientä naurunkiherrystä, ja Klonkusta tuli lähinnä mieleen 50+ vuotias suomenruotsalainen täti-ihminen, muuten ei valituksen sanaa.

Yhdellä 'kirjalla' (20 CD:tä per kirja) on aikamoisesti hintaa, mutta kirjastosta onneksi löytyivät kaikki, kun jaksoi vähän odotella. Ja nyt on Sormusten Herra taas 'luettu' läpi: tunnun törmäävän siihen noin kerran vuosikymmenessä. Ensimmäinen kerta oli ala-asteen lopulla, toinen kerta Peter Jacksonin elokuvien alkaessa valmistua ja ilmestyä teattereihin, ja nyt taas vuonna 2010. Jospa sitä vihdoin lukisi Silmarillonin: sain sen lahjaksi ala-asteen päättyessä, ja silloin se oli vielä vähän liian vaikealukuinen.

Yllätti muuten miten paljon muutoksia, lisäyksiä ja poistoja elokuviin oli tehty: katsoin ne putkeen juuri ennen kuin aloin kuuntelu-urakan, ja muistelin vielä tuolloin että elokuvat olisivat olleet vielä uskollisempia kirjoille, mutta eihän tällaista teosta voi tietenkään ihan suoraan elokuvaksi kääntää. Valitettavasti. Enkä osannut hiljaa paikallani istua ja kuunnella: levyt kuluivat huomaamatta kävelylenkeillä, bussissa istuessa ja PhotoShopin parissa piirrellessä.

Ensimmäisen kerran kun Sormusten Herraa muuten luin, en löytänyt kirjastosta Sormuksen Ritarit -kirjaa, joten lainasin kasetteina ensimmäisen puoliskon kirjasta. Eli Heikki Määttänen minut silloin aikoinaan esitteli paremmin hobittien maailmaan, Ryhmäteatterin Hobitit-TV-sarjan jälkeen. Siitä sitten alkoikin vuosia kestänyt fantasia-innostus.


"Kolme sormusta haltiakuninkaille alla auringon,
Seitsemän kääpiöruhtinaille kivisaleissaan.
Yhdeksän ihmisille jotka vie tuoni armoton,
Yksi Mustalle Ruhtinaalle valtaistuimellaan,
Maassa Mordorin, joka varjojen saartama on.

"Yksi sormus löytää heidät, se yksi heitä hallitsee.
Se Yksi heidät yöhön syöksee, ja pimeyteen kahlitsee.
Maassa Mordorin, joka varjojen saartama on."


Ensi kerralla pitääkin lukea englanniksi...

Lux and Alby sign on and save the universe

Title: Lux and Alby sign on and save the universe
Writer: Martin Millar
Artist: Simon Fraser
Published: 1999 by Slab-o-Concrete Publications
Genre: Humour and adventure
Pages: 267


I got this one already in the beginning of January, and have read it twice, but never got around to writing about it. Now I'm trying to clean up, so let's give Alby, Lux and Ruby a look before on the shelf it goes!

Originally written around 1991 and 1992, the comic throws together three of Millar's main characters: Lux the Poet, Alby Starvation and Ruby. (Ruby's the only one I haven't read about yet, but since Ruby and the Stone Age Diet has apparently just been reprinted, maybe I'll get lucky and find it somewhere.) All three are residents of South London's Brixton, and it was probably only a question of time before they'd end up squatting under the same roof. Then the universe starts to collapse, and it's not just Alby's paranoia this time. It's really coming down.

Nirvana is in peril, and if it is lost, so is the happiness of the world. Trees, plants and animals are unhappy, not to mention people. Meanwhile, Alby is worried, as usual, Lux is trying to get people to listen to his poetry, and Ruby is trying to get back on her ex-boyfriend. Goddess Ishtar's useless handmaiden Menta is sent on a quest to become the best kisser in the universe.

...things do not look good for the universe.

Millar's books consist of short chapters or paragraphs, with what the attention jumps from one character to another. Sign on is written in the same way, but with the comic medium, the 'paragraphs' are sometimes only one picture long. Usually a bit longer, though. It's confusing in the beginning, but soon enough gets easy to follow. Fraser's art changes around quite a lot, but it's good, even if Alby doesn't look like I've imagined him for the past 15 years or so.


"Here stands Lux, a heroic if unappreciated artist, blessed with astonishing good looks and divine poetic powers, tragically reduced by an unappreciative public and an uncaring social security office to keeping a lookout for Maggie, the notorious paraplegic bicycle thief... how will he regain his self-respect? How will he claw his way back from the abyss of degradation?"

Invisible monsters

Title: Invisible monsters
Author: Chuck Palahniuk
Published: 1999 by Vintage
Genre: Palahniuk.
Pages: 297


She was beautiful, a model with her career before her, until someone goes and shoots her in the face. Without a lower jaw, all of it gone, her tongue hanging out from a hole in her throat, she looks like such a monster that people don't even dare to acknowledge her existence. Unable to even speak, she might as well be invisible. Then along comes Brandy Alexander, a beautiful transsexual waiting for that one big operation, who goes and invents her a new background, and more importantly, a new future.

Together with a man who loves them both, more or less, they head out to America, stealing drugs from the rich and selling them to the... no, not the poor. Less rich. Hey, it's a way to make money. Inventing themselves over and over again, they plot new lives and revenge on our 'heroine's' best friend Evie, who she blames for her disfiguration and for losing her old boyfriend.

Of course since this is Palahniuk, there's a lot more to it. The story unravels in short bits that jump from the past to the present and back again, building a picture of the whole, somewhat confusing, story of who's really who and why.

Great book, no doubt about it, but not one of my favourite Palahniuks. Lullaby still reigns supreme! But Invisible monsters is still a twisty tale full of surprises and the usual weird true facts Chuck's so fond of.


""You're a product of our language," Brandy says, "and how our laws are and how we believe our God wants us. Every bitty molecule about you has already been thought out by some million people before you," she says. "Anything you can do is boring and old and perfectly okay. You're safe because you're so trapped inside your culture. Anything you can conceive of is fine because you can conceive of it. You can't imagine any way to escape. There's no way you can get out," Brandy says.

""The world," Brandy says, "is your cradle and your trap.""


Cheery as always!

Tukehtuminen

Nimi: Tukehtuminen
Alkuperäinen nimi: Choke
Kirjoittaja: Chuck Palahniuk
Julkaistu: 2009, Like
Genre: Palahniuk.
Sivuluku: 287


Evääksi työmatkalle ostettu Palahniukin Haunted jäi kiireessä kotiin, mutta onneksi Helsinki-Vantaan kentältä löytyi edes suomenkielistä Chuckia. Choke, eli Tukehtuminen suomeksi, on tullut nähtyä kirjakaupassa ja kirjastossakin, mutta nyt vasta tarttui matkaan.

Tarinamme 'sankari' on Victor Mancini, seksiriippuvainen mies joka työskentelee 1730-luvulla renkinä päivisin, mutta ansaitsee lähinnä rahansa tukehtumalla hienoissa ravintoloissa. Victorilla on näes systeemi: 'tukehdu' ravintolassa, odota että joku tulee pelastamaan, ja elä tämän sankarin tuella. Tämän kun toistaa muutaman sata tai tuhat kertaa, kuten Victor, rahallista tukea virtaa kotiin. Ja rahaa Victor tarvitsee, äitikulta kun makaa hoitokodissa eikä tunnu paranevan. Ihastuttava lääkäri Marshall kuitenkin löytää keinon parantaa hänet, mutta se vaatisi Victorilta kenties enemmän kuin hän on valmis antamaan.

Miulla on jotain suomennoksia vastaan, tai siis luen mieluummin kirjat alkukielellään. Mutta Tukehtuminen on selkeä plussa kääntäjille, tosin Dennyn 'Jätkä hei...' meinasi ärsyttää. Alunperin Dude? En tiedä. Mutta kuitenkin. Selkeä plussa myös Palahniukille. Invisible monsters ei niin iskenyt, mutta tämä meni taas suosikeihin. Työmatkan Lontoon osuudella etsin sitten käsiini kirjasta tehdyn elokuvan, mutta se on vielä katsomatta.

Mutta mutta. Iiiiiiiso miinus, Chuck. Tiedän että kaikki sitä tekee, mutta sinäkin?! Onko se tyylikästä? Onko se kivaa? Onko se tämän hetken 'juttu'? Vai miksi kaikki morkkaavat Erasurea? *möks*


"Ensimmäisen työviikkoni aikana eräs tyttö pantiin karsseeriin, koska hän oli voita kirnutessaan hyräillyt Erasurea. No, onhan Erasure antiikkista musiikkia, mutta ei tarpeeksi antiikkista. Jopa jostakin niin kivikautisesta kuin Beach Boysista joutuisi vaikeuksiin. Ihan niin kuin he eivät ajattelisi niitä typeriä puuteriperuukkejaan, polvihousujaan ja solkikenkiään minään retrona."


Mutta oot nää silti parsa, Chuck.

Strangers in Paradise

Title: Strangers in Paradise
Creator: Terry Moore
Published: From 1993 to 2007
Genre: Thriller, romance, drama, etc.
Pages: Very many. Try around 2000?


Okay, so I checked: the first Strangers in Paradise album was published in Finnish back in 1997. The only SiP album to be published in Finnish. I remember pestering the poor people at the bookshop about the second part a couple of times a month for the next year or two. Anyway, the point is that it took me this long to get to read the rest of the story.

And boy, there was a lot of it! Let's see, three issues of the first 'version', 13 of the second (first nine were the translated ones), and 90 of the third.

"Well, well... Miss Choovanski... what a long, strange trip it's been, huh?"

"Four years and you couldn't come up with anything more original than that?"

The base of the story is your usual group of 20-something friends, and how their lives go up and down. At the center of the stage is Katina 'Katchoo' Choovanski, a young recovering alcoholic artist who has a dark and complicated past. She loves her best friend Francine, who is looking for her knight in shining armour. Freddie the comic relief also finds that he loves his ex Francine as he marries Casey, and David the romantic artist loves Katchoo.

But besides that there's a mob family or two in the picture, violent women, FBI, sex scandals, politics and stripping in the park in broad daylight. Also, like G'Kar says in Babylon 5: "No one there is exactly what he seems." This is also one of the themes in SiP: the masks people wear, and what they are beneath, and what happens when those masks are revealed or taken away.

The relationship between Katchoo and Francine leads the show, but the rest of the cast also gets a lot of attention. This is a good thing, as they're quite an interesting bunch. When the 'I-love-you-I-want-a-man-and-babies-why-aren't-I-enough-I'm-leaving-no-I'm-leaving!-plus-a-lot-of-misunderstandings' on and off thing that is Katchoo and Francine makes the reader want to bang their head against a wall, the other characters are there to make you laugh or cry or both. And ohhhh boy but they do take their sweet time figuring out what they want. Well, Francine does. Then Katchoo gets stubborn and I headdesk again.

So do some of the rest of the cast as well.

A lot of women, even those who claim that they don't read comics, like Strangers in Paradise as it has a lot of strong woman characters. I have to agree with that, and it's one of my favourite things about it as well. Strong and real women, as well as unreal. I have so much love for Tambi right now, and even though her role was very small, Cherry Hammer, ooh la laa! I'll even dig Elvis for you!

*cough*

The art! I love Mr. Moore's art! It's realistic but still cartoony, especially during the funny bits. There are a few coloured issues in between, but luckily most of the long run is in black and white, showing off Terry's wonderful handling of black ink. He self-published most of SiP, with a short time under a publishing house before returning to self-publishing, to be able to be in full control of the story and art. Maybe an outside editor would have told him to bang Katchoo's and Francine's heads together at some point, but sometimes the characters just run away on their own. That's pretty much my only beef with the comic, which you, possible reader, might have gathered already.

Even with that, I'm really glad I finally got the opportunity to read the whole story (well... I didn't read the two Molly and Poo -issues completely. Yet. But there was, like, soooo much text and hardly any pictures! *cough again*), to catch up, laugh and cry with characters who I've been wondering about for some 13 years already. It was a long, strange trip, and I'm happy to have been a part of it, even only as a reader.


"And we're going to have babies and raise a family and grow old together and I'm going to make you so happy you'll be shittin' sunshine! Got it?!"

...

"You had me at shittin' sunshine."

Lullaby

Title: Lullaby
Author: Chuck Palahniuk
Published: 2003 by Vintage
Genre: Chuck should also be his own genre.
Pages: 260


Lullaby. Again. Aw yeah.

First time I read this, or started to, was when I bought it from London back in August 2008. I was sitting in Ten Bells, where Jack the Ripper's victims used to drink, discreetly taking photos with my cell phone and drinking Guinness. It's not a beer you can, or want to, drink quickly, so I took out Lullaby and started reading .

With moving back to Finland and everything, it took a while to get to finish the book. This time however I read it all in pretty much two sittings. Had to sleep in between, though, which was a bit creepy, giving the subject of the book.

The details about the book are that Carl Streator is a reporter investigating crib deaths, when he starts to notice a pattern: all the children, going down as sudden infant death syndrome victims, were read the same poem the night before they died. The same poem he also read to his family some twenty years ago. It's an old African culling song, sang to those too weak, ill or injured to live, to make them fall asleep and never wake up.

With a woman, Helen Hoover Boyle, who also lost her son to the culling song, he sets off on a journey across America, to find and destroy all copies of the song from the book before more children die. Before the culling song becomes public knowledge and every noise in the world could be hiding the words to kill. Along come Helen's secretary Mona, or Mulberry, a young Wiccan woman, and her questionably industrious boyfriend Oyster. As one happy family, they travel from library to library, leaving no culling song untorn.

This is my favourite Palahniuk book so far. He's got more original ideas in one book than most libraries have on one shelf put together. Could be just a fluke, but since it's all of his books that are like this (as far as I know but I'm quite willing to trust all the evidence I've read so far...) I think it's just talent, creativity, hard work and one hell of a twisted mind. Lovely.

I have piles of books waiting to be read for the first time, but now I really want to read Snuff again...


"Imagine a plague you can catch through your ears.

"Sticks and stones will break your bones, but now words can kill, too.

"The new death, this plague, can come from anywhere. A song. An overheard announcement. A news bulletin. A sermon. A street musician. You can catch death from a telemarketer. A teacher. An Internet file. A birthday card. A fortune cookie.

"A million people might watch a television show, then be dead the next morning because of an advertising jingle."

Autofiction

Title: Autofiction
Author: Hitomi Kanehara
Published: 2007 by Vintage
Genre: Says 'original fiction' on the back and I'm just going to go with that...
Pages: 216


First book of the year? Yeah. I've been drawing, writing and playing a lot lately, so reading's taken a back seat for a while. This book, however, put everything else on the back seat, as it turned out to be one of those I couldn't put down. Started reading it on a bus, then continued in bath, and then in bed when I should have been sleeping.

So. Rin is newly married to Shin, and they're flying back home to Japan from their lovely honeymoon. Everything seems peachy keen, until Rin falls asleep and Shin gets up to go to the toilet. She wakes up, becomes certain that he has gone off to seduce and have sex with the stewardess, and shows the reader just how deeply disturbed she can get.

Scary, really.

... also somewhat familiar. I should probably get worried.

Anyhoo! The book then goes on to describe their marriage, and how Rin becomes a successful author, who is one day asked to write autofiction: a fictional autobiography. And for the rest of the book we go back in time, to see just what made Rin miss some gears on the highway.

Told completely from the point of view and through the thoughts of Rin, Autofiction is dark, disturbing, and most of all very good. I'll surely give Kanehara's earlier book, Snakes and earrings, a try if/when I get my hands on it.


"I pray that the plane will crash. He's probably in the lavatory by now. He may already be touching the stewardess waiting inside. His hands may already be touching her. Those hands of my precious husband. Touching. That woman. I want to die. Just thinking about it gives me goose bumps and my entire body is shaking with rage."